Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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