Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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