If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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