I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
