I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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