bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
