you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
