if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
