God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
