Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
