Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
