It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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