dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
