areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
