he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
