dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
