She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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