Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will pee on everything he values.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
