I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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