There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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