Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
