Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
