i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
