Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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