got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
