She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
