I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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