he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
