I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
