just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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