I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
