Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
