I'm going to jail i love you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
