You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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