He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
