you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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