i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
