After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
