shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
