In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
