I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
