After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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