we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
