My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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