I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
