I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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