Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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