It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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