Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
