When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
