How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
