i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
