i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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