if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
