We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
