If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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