i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
