you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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