we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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