i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
