Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
