no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
