This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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