More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
