I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how does that bad decision feel?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
