I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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