i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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