captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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